summer again
yesterday’s cool breezes just a tease
waves of heat that whisper and shimmer
humidity dancing in a twenties flapper dress
and these dried out flowers that periscope up
to keep one eye on winter
setting seed for birds that will shiver
in the light of tomorrow’s dawn.
My garden is singing the thirsty blues. My pruners have been sitting out on the picnic table for a week. It hasn’t rained, so that’s okay, but really I should go out there and put them away. And the hummingbird feeder is broken. I meant to look for the old one and put it out for them, but I haven’t, yet. Poor thirsty hummingbirds. Perhaps today.
I started one book that did not grab me. I am five pages into another. Each time I start to read I fall asleep. I will have to try another, I want one that I can’t stop reading, so I can stay up late and pretend I’m fifteen. Man, it’s hot. Not hot in here with the air conditioning running and running and running, but man, it’s hot.
I don’t even feel like eating. Well, maybe just ice cream. A dip top. But you could never eat a dip top in this heat, you’d have to run back to your air-conditioned car, and even then it would probably be too late, chocolate would be dripping all the way to your elbow.
I might go get one anyway, eat it right at the counter while I wait for my change, so fast an ice headache rips through my forehead.
And I really should do all this laundry that is piling up on me.
But it’s too hot to fold clothes from the dryer. All my cats do is sleep, and I had crazy wild dreams last night. I hate sleeping in air conditioning, I feel like I can’t breathe, even with a small fan blowing air directly onto my face. And I can breathe, but still,
I wake up in the night feeling like I can’t, sweating even though
the room is cool. Like my body knows how hot it is out there.
I would love to get up and go outside and listen to the crickets, sit in one chair with my feet up on another, and blanket myself with cool night air. But I don’t, the mosquitoes would carry me away, and no one would be able to find me in the morning. Which could be kind of funny, I wonder where they would drop me off? Maybe the neighbor’s around the corner, when I got too heavy.
In the mornings I drink hot tea. I don’t care if it is too hot to drink hot tea, I drink it anyway. Today it will be 93º and I think I am going to go running. I love to run in the heat, there is nothing in the world as good as that kind of sweating, feeling my body release the things it has been holding onto, stress, impatience, tension.
All of that will be gone when I am done, and I will stand there,
glistening, while life drips off of me onto the ground.
And then I’m going to go and get that dip top.
Some things a girl just can’t do without.
An afternoon that swallows time. Even when I beg, there is
no more. Deadlines and desideritas, my life.
I take myself too seriously. Ponder things that can’t be solved. Worship silence and sanctuary when there is none. Too many moments pass while I stare out my window.
A garden that grows without me. A tale that was not true.
A mystery that has no answer. My life.
A series of situations. A corner that keeps my secrets. A broom
that sweeps almost nothing clean. My life.
Some days overwhelm me. Some days wait to be taken.
Some days sing songs that only I can hear. Some days I sit on
the floor and weep. This is not my imagination.
A forest that leaves light unspoken. A tree that whispers platitudes. A fern that grows in shadow. My life.
A sunbeam filled with dancers. A teardrop left unclaimed.
A glimpse of mediocrity. My life.
Dreams that claim my sleep the way lovers claim their hearts.
Things I cannot have lined up before me. Things I do not want
stand next in line.
A comfort that eludes me. A melody of words that have no tune.
A signature I do not recognize. My life.
A smile on my lips, of strawberries and wine.
A summer day that does not end.
I stand here, waiting.
