the sculptor’s wife
i’ve looked in every corner
upturned every stone
…………blended shadows
…………and reached into
…………black places
………………there is nothing to be found
………………in the darkness
………………i grasp and i grab
………………as everything you’ve ever said
………………slips through my fingers
………………mercurial
………………mirroring back to me
………………the echo of a voice
………………that never existed
………………a face i cannot know
………………a heart that has
………………no rhythm
………………i sing songs
………………in the cave of existence
………………i build you a fire
………………that burns without
………………smoke
………………i breathe in the dust
………………of your desire
………………hold my breath
………………hold my breath
………………hold my
………………………..breath
………………waiting for
………………the shape of you
………………to form
………………beneath my
………………………..fingers
.
.
.
April 3rd, 2012 at 7:32 am
god. i build you a fire that burns without smoke? you are the best. the best! seriously inspired & inspiring.
April 3rd, 2012 at 7:41 am
There is something so primordial here; ancient hands working the clay of souls for the first time; all feelings for the first time. A haunting and dark beauty.
April 3rd, 2012 at 9:27 am
“Blended shadows” -I can see that. Once again you inspire with the quiet beauty of your words. The depth is amazing and so pure.
April 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 am
i love this kelly….xo
April 3rd, 2012 at 12:00 pm
nice…this is wicked good…like the mercurial stanza, but the one right after it with i sing songs…from there on i love the very active voice in this…very well spun…
April 3rd, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Captivating . . . . love.
April 3rd, 2012 at 12:16 pm
This was a great perspective taken here, loved your use of language, and the longing in her voice.
April 3rd, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Really really nice- definately my kind of write for sure….for me it conjured A tale of someone wanting someone to be something that they are not- wanting to ‘sculpt’ them- but failing every time , with empty words falling through fingertips….this wasn’t so much dark as it just felt incredibally melancholic…great use of form and word placement to get across the holding of breath- very nice indeeeeeeed! 🙂
April 3rd, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Just have to say – I loved your poem! Your imagery is beautiful, your form was striking and efficient and the pacing was ideal.
Good luck with NaPoWriMo! 🙂
April 3rd, 2012 at 2:17 pm
oh nice…love the emotions in this…esp.
i sing songs
in the cave of existence
i build you a fire
that burns without
smoke…this is a great visual…and then the waiting for the shape to form…this is great
April 3rd, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Going to have to echo Claudia’s comment. That verse is something special.
Great work here.
April 3rd, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Fine poem. Especially strong end. Very visual and captures the emotions.
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:03 pm
I’m with Stu… and I love it.
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:27 pm
Gorgeous and so visual a picture of alienation–totally resonates, esp the passage following “the dust of your desire…” to the close, though every analogy before that is also exquisite. Love it.
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Absolutely beautiful…love it!
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:39 pm
stellar write! don’t hold your breath for too long
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:47 pm
You have well captured the feelings of sadness, loneliness, longing, confusion, and emptiness that fill the holes of many relationships, even after they are over. I especially enjoyed the last nine lines.
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:58 pm
…i build you a fire
………………that burns without smoke……
wow this is great…love the lines here.
April 3rd, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Really shaped the poem with your words through an through. And my don’t hold your breath to long line was stolen, hmph…hahaha
April 3rd, 2012 at 5:07 pm
This one took away my breath, a marvel of a poem!
April 3rd, 2012 at 5:22 pm
i sing songs
in the cave of existence
i build you a fire
that burns without
smoke
i breathe in the dust
of your desire
Extraordinary write–for me, all about vision and creation–just spectacular!
April 3rd, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Beautiful work here, love it 🙂
April 3rd, 2012 at 5:44 pm
“hold my breath
hold my breath
hold my
breath
waiting for
the shape of you
to form
beneath my
fingers”
Love the feel of this poem, the flow of the words and how you captured the longing, the desire for something more. Beautifully penned!
.
April 3rd, 2012 at 5:57 pm
i like your enjambment, especially
slips through my fingers
………………mercurial
………………mirroring back to me
April 3rd, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Perhaps could also be the sculptor’s widow. (You see how my morbid mind works!) But this is lovely, sensual but also very tangible; and it has a lovely sound. K.
April 3rd, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Oh my… I love this.
Dark and almost ghostly, especially with the picture.
I love how you structured it too.
Excellent work.
April 3rd, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Breathtakingly, gorgeous writing!
April 3rd, 2012 at 7:48 pm
Waiting for the shape of you to form beneath my fingers–so connected with that line. Lovely write.
April 3rd, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Oh…this is just…it’s awesome! Each word perfectly placed to shape and mold the reader to its weave! Adore the imagery…new favorite? I think perhaps…but we’ve got another 27 more before I can officially pick! Right? 🙂
April 3rd, 2012 at 9:10 pm
you inspire me.
April 4th, 2012 at 4:06 am
The attempts to construct from nothing…I sing songs in the cave of existence, echoes big and hollow…great line… And the held Breath too. Good stuff
April 4th, 2012 at 8:27 am
Enjoyed the imagery, the intensity and the crafting of the wife. Really loved the final section from holding the breath. Very well written.
April 4th, 2012 at 1:28 pm
A picture of an artist by another artist – something like mirrors reflecting mirrors, thoughts reflecting thoughts, digging intellectually and emotionally into the psyche to pull out something that’s true, that breathes. Well done.
April 4th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Gripping poem. I love how you’ve structured it. And I’m fascinated by the word “mercurial”.
April 4th, 2012 at 3:49 pm
This was an awesome poem. For me the best images were in the lines
“i sing songs
………………in the cave of existence
………………i build you a fire
………………that burns without
………………smoke
………………i breathe in the dust
………………of your desire
………………hold my breath
………………hold my breath
………………hold my
………………………..breath”
masterfully crafted 🙂
April 7th, 2012 at 4:25 am
evocative, powerful poem.