pockets of time
we live our life in these little pockets, sets of hours when time seems to stop, or slow down long enough to let us take notice.
stolen hours, a bath, a book, a warm, late summer afternoon, the only sound is the constant whirring of grasshopper’s wings outside my window.
this was not the day i had planned, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. this was supposed to be a crazy busy catching up on work sort of day, that is what it needed to be, that is how i had expected it to be.
a migraine stopped that day in its tracks, and despite my best efforts to fight it, demanded that i give in to the horizontal.
and now it feels like i’m hiding out from the world, here on the couch, curled up in a ball with ice on my neck and nothing to do but lie here. well, actually, there’s plenty that needs doing, and my to-do list keeps popping its head around the corner just to make sure i have not forgotten that it exists.
i wave to it weakly, attempt a smile, but really, we both know there is nothing to be done. nothing that can be done until this vice lets loose its grip on my skull, this nausea passes, this fourth dimension recedes back into its proper place.
i cannot find my mind inside the pain, they have joined together to become one and the same. it’s like being held hostage by your own body.
this isn’t where i want to be, but this is where i am.
if it didn’t hurt so much, i would enjoy these imposed bits of quiet. but then again, if it didn’t hurt so much, i would never take them.
it feels like the world has stopped turning. of course, i know it hasn’t. that everywhere but here, inside my pounding head, the world goes on about its business, carries on just the way it always has, the way it always will.
but for now, i must lie here,
still.
September 15th, 2011 at 9:20 am
this is where i wish i really truly had a magic wand. sending magical thoughts, however, and soothing love. xoxox
September 15th, 2011 at 9:46 am
I feel for you, I used to get cluster migraines .. horrific .. I wish I had some advice, a quick fix but I know all you can do is wait out the man with the pick axe thats smashing into your head. Tho I did once head off one just as the twinkling lights in the corners of my eyes started I drank a large iced black coffee and the caffeine kept it at bay til I could get home .. that was the dau I realized what a ‘blinding’ headache was.
September 15th, 2011 at 10:39 am
i know that pain so well….fortunately now with the new medicine i’m on, i’m only getting a migraine, at most, once a month…
down from one or two a week 🙁
i feel so good. after years of living in a “i can get a migraine at any moment” fog, everything is clear again.
xoxo
September 15th, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I hope you are soon better.
September 15th, 2011 at 5:18 pm
As a person who suffers occasional migraines I can so relate to the getting horizontal and riding things out.
Light, sound, it all presses in and hurts.
I wish you wellness.
September 17th, 2011 at 1:24 am
i’m so sorry. i have never known the pain of a migraine, so i can’t say that i understand. but i am a wimp when i get headaches, so i imagine a constant excruciating migraine is awful.
on a good note… that photos is PHENOMENAL!! just wow!
i really hope you are better soon. not sure when you wrote this, so maybe you’ve already started to feel better. but if not, i hope it’s soon.
September 17th, 2011 at 4:23 pm
I felt every single word
….magnificent description.
And the photo…..vivid with beauty.
Hope healing happened quickly,
Jen
September 18th, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Oh..I do hope that by now you’re feeling better. I can see the pain in the image!
September 25th, 2011 at 8:06 am
Such a beautiful and abstract image.