due north
There is something about this day that keeps calling me outside.
I have been in and out all morning, inside working, then, feeling this magnetic pull, back out.
A cup of tea, some photos, playing with the crazy kittens that spend their days outside, hunting. Back in for more work. Accomplishing what must be accomplished. And when that is done, the must-do part of my day, I shall start on the should-do portion. Should pull these weeds, should paint that door, should make more jewelry, should do paperwork, or laundry, or vacuum, or dust. I don’t know where to start, which direction to point my feet in.
Except, there must be something to this, this not knowing where I’m going, this walking along a path with no a compass, because I am not afraid. Not lost.
Just here, navigating my way by feel and instinct and some inner sense of who I am, or want to be.
Just here, witnessing each day as it unfolds before me, not judging or wishing for a better one. Not dreaming or pretending or lamenting a life I do not have. But living this one. Sitting in my garden in the room I have built from flowers and earth and sky.
A giant room in my tiny world. I can see everything from here.
Just here.
It took me such a long time to arrive. I stumbled a lot and ran in circles and backtracked and trudged through rain and desert, wind and forest, sun and swamp. You can’t follow in my footsteps, even I can’t retrace them, couldn’t tell you where I started, or when I turned left rather than right, or even who I was on the day this journey began. I walked at night by the light of the moon, sometimes, and often, I walked all day. I trusted my heart to guide my feet. I carried my fear in a pack on my back, always behind me.
I am just here.
With this feeling that my entire life led me to this exact place and this feeling that it really was all for a reason and this feeling that I am about to be somewhere else.
Just like every other day, I suppose.
Just here.
August 26th, 2010 at 9:59 am
I love this post . . . I can definitely relate.
August 26th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Oh. My. God. Kelly, yes. Yesyesyesyes!!!
Thank you!!
August 26th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Oh goodness. You are he as you are me today. Our hearts are always the best compasses – they will tell us the truth always. Always. We have to learn to trust them – we will stumble and backtrack and run in those circles you describe as we learn to do so. I have something to email you. 🙂 Will do so now. xoxo
August 26th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Holy Wow! Mrs M this is beautiful lovely energy such insights spoken from a truth & boy, do I believe that you are there – powerful-gentle strength just here it is indeed a giant room
not afraid not lost Wow Celebrate yourself & this moment!
this summer a lot of the dots are connecting for me it is a peaceful feeling very exciting as well!
thank you you touched my heart,soul& mind sending you love on your journey grateful that you write & that your creativity came into my life!
August 26th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
How utterly gorgeous! And I’m so thrilled for you. I must admit, you have me yearning for my own due north. Maybe I, too, am already here.
Truly divine, Kelly – both words and image!
August 26th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
And I, too, recognize this. It speaks to my heart and brings a quiet, ever-so-slightly ironic smile to my lips. Because I have been in that space and it is wonderful, but I can rarely keep myself there for long. I hope someday I can. =)
August 26th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
This is so much more beautiful, meaningful and powerful than “you’re always exactly where you’re meant to be”.
Amazing how you so aptly capture the feelings of others in such a concise manner using probably the most difficult tool of all to convey true understanding – you are a marvel with the written word.
August 27th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
So beautiful… I always wish I could write like that!
August 27th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Whew you make me so proud.
August 27th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
i often retrace my life steps….
knowing i’m here for a reason, in this house, in this state, on this couch and wondering what it all has in store for me….
August 27th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
nicely put!
August 28th, 2010 at 9:08 pm
“Just here, witnessing each day as it unfolds before me, not judging or wishing for a better one. Not dreaming or pretending or lamenting a life I do not have.” that’s big, thel. big.
August 28th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
By the time I get to your posts I’m always so late that I have nothing to say that’s fresh, but I do want to comment. So, I guess I’ll just say, thank you.
August 29th, 2010 at 7:22 am
It’s funny, because whenever I get to look through the window and into your thoughts via your writing, I am so surprised that you weren’t “there” already. (That’s not a criticism, by the way… but I think you know what I’m trying to say.)
In a nutshell, what you wrote gives me hope for me too that someday I’ll find myself sitting in my own “there.”
Gorgeous writing, Kelly… as always.
August 31st, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Very well said! I don’t mind fumbling around sometimes. And I do feel like even my mistakes have led me to where I am and I’m good with that now.
September 1st, 2010 at 8:51 am
There’s something to this indeed – letting oneself not know where she is going. Allowing oneself to ride with the waves of the universe. She’s wise, that old universe.
Gosh, you’re such a beautiful writer.