training wheels
Forty-seven is a strange age, not exactly old, but not really young, either. And of course, that is why it’s called middle age.
But with this age, this middleness, come revelations, realizations, determination.
Life speeds up as you get older, but your body slows down.
I want to run more and more and more, but am able to do so less and less and less. I want to stay up very late to finish a book, but my eyes start to droop around midnight. I want to spring clean my house all in one day and have energy left over for dinner. I want to stay outside playing until it grows dark and someone calls me in.
I want more. More time.
I don’t want to reinvent the wheel, I just want a newer bicycle. One without any rust or scars or missing spokes. One that lets you pedal backwards when you want to, in case you missed something. I want to understand life before it’s too late, while I still have time to enjoy it. I want to appreciate, while I still have the strength to pedal.
I have wobbled and wiggled for 47 years, trying to maintain my balance. Now I think I am ready to pare things down, remove that extra set of wheels, pick up speed. I want to fly down a hill with the wind in my hair, or coast past my house with my hands waving high in the sky.
I want to let go. Of things, emotions, barriers, clutter. All that clumsy baggage that keeps me from gliding along, bumps and potholes that make for a very rough ride. I want the life that I have and the life that I want to become the very same thing. I want to ride into the sunset, keep going all night, and circle the sun at dawn. I want to race time with one eye on the prize.
I have no illusions, I know I will fall. Plenty of times.
But that’s okay, I plan to get right back up.
Unless, of course, I break a hip.
And then I’m going to cry like a baby.
June 26th, 2010 at 11:42 am
47 is a fabulous age! Go ahead and ride! I will hope for falls in soft spots. 🙂
June 26th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Yer just a spring chicken. Very nice descriptive of how it feels when one reaches a certain age, though. Which you have not reached yet. Because yer just a spring chicken, ya know?!!!
June 26th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
How about a tricycle ? lol
June 26th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Your words are so beautiful and 47 amazing years! It’s a fabulous age! Have a lovely merry happy weekend and love to yoU!
June 27th, 2010 at 1:31 am
So lovely.
June 27th, 2010 at 11:49 am
You write so very beautifully. I am 53, some bicycle peddling beyond you. I too speed up for the hills and then feel such exhilaration when I get to the top, and can just enjoy the ride on the way down.
Brenda
June 27th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Somehow – this made me cry. Somehow I don’t want to think of myself as ‘middle-aged’..still young at heart with so much life to live. But – I am. And I’m riding into the sunset right along with you!!!
June 27th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
How can you be middle aged? I just had you yesterday 🙂
June 28th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
How can you make me laugh out loud while my heart climbs up into my throat and pretends to be a lump?
I feel goofy for saying this, and I’m afraid you won’t believe me, but you are one of my favorite writers.
Period.
July 2nd, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Oh I so hear you! I want to do the things I yearned to do when my children were small, and now I tire too easily. darn it! You cracked me up with the breaking a hip thing tho, lol!